Ayanna's blog

pissing off vegetarians, lusting after food, hating my weight

I am reading Anthony Bourdain's book "Kitchen Confidential," and the following quote amused me:

Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter-faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. (page70)

This reminded me of a time in my youth, when my mother accused me of being a hedonist. Being a smart-ass teenager at the time, I thanked her for the compliment.

I think enjoyment in life is essential. I'd be a horrible Buddhist, because I like to feel the delight in life, even if it is accompanied by pain. I don't think I am being selfish if I need to sit down with a book and a glass of wine, and take a break from the whining and the cooking and the diapering and the washing.

I think there are things in this life worth enjoying, and I don't think it is a bad thing to enjoy an amazing crème brulee, a wonderfully seasoned roast, a smooth and seductive glass of port. Even the perfect little M&M is okay in my book.

Yet my feelings about my weight always come around to ruin the party. Trying to put on skirts that are cute in the Platonic ideal, but look stupid on my butt, can be really depressing. Catching a reflected glimpse of my double-chin in the oven door as I check on my homemade gluten-free eggnog cake has a way of making me want to drink the rum glaze straight out of the pan.

I want to lose weight. I want to be the weight I was 3 years ago. But I can't starve myself, for a number of reasons. As a nursing mama, I have to have some cognizance of what I eat (yeah, I know, nursing is supposed to make you lose weight -- but that is not the case with me), and losing weight rapidly while nursing can release toxins that you don't want the babe to get. But I also have so many issues with food, besides simple enjoyment. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm sad. I eat when it's snowing, raining, windy. I eat when there are squirrels on the rooftops, or when I'm watching "Top Chef," or when I think about losing weight. Food is a reward, a penance, a solace, a necessity. It is what I struggle with, what I adore. It is my abusive lover.

Added to all that drama, I also love to cook -- I love when a recipe comes together (to misquote The A-Team). I love to enjoy the fruits of my labor. My need for gluten-free, corn-free, shrimp-free food makes cooking a necessity (Chef Bourdain would hate to have me in his restaurant), if I want to eat. I am not the type to starve myself. And honestly, if I became a vegetarian, there would be little else for me to eat. The thought of life without butter is, personally, depressing.

But diabetes mellitus and heart disease run in my family. So does high-blood pressure and asthma. So many things can be triggered by being overweight. My knees already hate my guts. I know that if I want to live a long life with my family and friends and loved ones, I need to get on the ball.

But life without stinky cheese? Hell, no…

omg puppehs

Like livecams of puppies? Check this out...

Cute Overload is my overlord -- I should just fess up to that.

Vox Hunt: Oh Baby

Show us an adorable baby.

griffy0908b

He's more of a toddler now, but still...

cakes and holidays

So, I am reading Cake Wrecks (which, in retrospect, is actually dangerous to read while on the reference desk), and I come across the comments for this entry: apparently, some woman named Sandra Lee is causing cake havoc. And then, someone mentions a Kwanzaa Cake. Wha? Really? So, being the gawker I am, I have to go Google it and -- well, behold the horror.

This blog entry sums it up nicely. Nothing says "black people" like Corn Nuts.

QotD: When the Boss is Away…

How do you entertain yourself when you’re bored at work?
Sponsored by World Golf Tour.

Dude, I am a librarian! I am NEVER bored!  :0

But, on the occasional slow moment, I check my e-mail accounts, do some research on whatever topic is on my mind (lately, ADHD), maybe chat with coworkers on the desk with me, or play the world's most addictive online game. I should be walking the stacks, and becoming more familiar with the collection, but it is hard to do that when a patron may be crying out for help somewhere...

Oh, and I smile at patrons a lot.

Nitwit, oddment, blubber, and tweak

A few words...

• Every so often, I make a (gluten-free) meal that is so good that D asks me if I will go compete on "Top Chef." Very sweet of him, but I don't have the knife skills. However, sometimes I dream about going in as a gluten-free chef, to prove that gluten-free food can be yummy. Or maybe I'll just become rich and famous and find investors and start up a GF restaurant in the area.
• We let the kiddies stay up late last night to watch some history. (It occurred to me that I have watched a lot of history: shuttles exploding, terrorist attacks, people dying before their time. This time, regardless of which party won, we would have been watching history, and this time, no one would have had to die.) Watching the news coverage on WGN, a Chicago-based station that we can still get news from, one of the commentators, Judy Baar Topinka, was really cranky. Instead of talking about the history of the moment, she was grumbling, "Well, he's going to have a lot of work ahead of him." Well, duh. Maybe she is still bitter that the Illinois Republicans had to pull in Alan Keyes to run against Obama for the Senate seat back in 2004, because they couldn't get anyone else to do it.
• D asked, as the TV image showed Oprah looking proud and teary, who she was. "That's Oprah, honey." "Is she famous?" "Yes, so famous you don't have to use her last name." "Is she more famous than Britney Spears?" "Yes, quite a bit more so."
• D's Pokemon-themed birthday party is Saturday. I am NOT making these cupcakes. But at least there will be fabulous prizes.
  

Halloween Tricks and Treats

Tricks:
* It was raining this morning, and SoCal drivers have no idea how to drive in rain.

* The eczema on my neck doesn't like my costume rubbing against it.

* G woke up at 5:30am this morning, when I got out of bed, and then proceeded to fall asleep in the car on the way to child care.

* I forgot to bring my lunch today.

Treats:
* A candy code that reminds me of John Hodgman's last book.

* I am wearing a flowing burgundy satin and black tapestry dress, and I am not the only library employee in costume.

* Kids in costume will be coming by the library today for candy.

* D and the spouse carved the pumpkin last night -- a zombie, with blood trickling out of its mouth. Spouse made little signs for it that say "Grrr" and "Argh."
 
* I am judging a costume contest here at work today.

* I have good candy at home, and friends are coming over to trick-or-treat with us in our neighborhood, and have dinner with us.

It's October! Free-form pondering!

What better way to start off a new month than with an ankle brace? I sprained my ankle on my birthday (the 30th, for those of you keeping score) -- apparently, while walking around the library teaching. So yesterday, I got to go to the urgent care clinic, after doing lots of workers comp documentation. No fractures, according to the x-rays. But the brace they gave me is giving me blisters. (Good thing I have Hello Kitty bandaids.) I may decorate the brace with stickers, to amuse myself.

Of course, this means that I most likely can't get a pedicure at the spa I am going to next weekend (to celebrate my mother-in-law's 60th birthday, a bunch of us are having a weekend at a spa in Wisconsin -- I love the Midwest in October!). Maybe I will just have to get a manicure instead, or a hot stones massage.

I've been eating gluten-free cupcakes since Sunday. I ordered 3 dozen, since I get tired of baking my own cakes. They're very yummy, even if getting a little stale. The mocha frosting on the chocolate cupcake is my favorite.

I wonder if anything mystical will happen, because I went to bed at 10:01pm on 10-01. I muttered "rabbit, rabbit" to myself, but maybe that was the wrong thing to say.

I want a kitten. I want a Rocking Nut Road Snickers. Sadly, only one of these items is in my purse. (Or, maybe this is a good thing.)

A listserv made up of people from my coed literary fraternity have been haiku fools lately. And some of them are combining politics and lolcats delightfully. It's pretty awesome.

Holy cats! My nose
Runs and runs -- sniffle sniffle
I really hate colds.

QotD: Pet Peeves

What is your weirdest pet peeve?
Submitted by belliebean

I haven't answered one of these in a while. I am weirded out by people propping their nekkid feet up on my coffee table, or having their feet near my food somehow. I love babytoes and babyfeet, but kid feet and grown-up feet need to stay the hell away from anywhere where I put food or beverages.

Also, I don't like people to give me a glass or pick up a glass of mine by picking it up at the top, thus placing their fingers in the inside of a glass that I drink from. Bleah!

Yes, I am neurotic...

stuff and nonsense

* do a search for the phrase "free bristol palin" in google -- I found a maternity shirt in cafepress with this logo on it. i have no words.

* i am currently hooked on cakewrecks -- it makes me hungry and amused.

* the elder boy is getting glasses. he is excited about it, which is cool.

* strapless bras suck.

* eczema sucks.

* the baby is getting used to childcare, and actually napped all afternoon there -- squee!

* spouse has a lot of trips to europe coming up -- i am trying to decide what he should buy me (i am thinking loose tea and chocolate).

* did i mention i am working part-time now? in a community college library, which i like.

* i need to lose weight again. bleah.

* did people really think that michael jackson and pamela anderson were an item?

* my mother only bought one pair of shoes on her latest visit -- this is a record.

* the election makes me nervous. but i loved olbermann's rant on 9/11.

* my mother-in-law worked in one of the buildings across from the WTC, the one that had a building collapsed on it (she got out okay). i was pregnant with my first child on 9/11/2001. i apologized to my belly on 9/11. but i cannot celebrate patriot's day, not when i think of how the idea of patriotism has been warped to mean "jingoism" and "hate."

* tonight is back-to-school night. i wonder if the school's new principal will ask me if i am the nanny.