Ayanna's blog

Heads up

I am at ALA this weekend. Actually, I have been in Chicago since before the 4th of July. Anyway, if you want to find me, feel free. 

Raining on Prom Night

Well, not really, since it doesn't really rain here, and I'm not going to prom. But you get the gist...

Spouse and I are trying hard to join the ranks of the fully employed. We are looking at this as an opportunity to correct some of the mistakes we made by hastily moving here -- looking at schools with more diversity in both ethnicity and learning styles for the boy, looking at communities where I won't feel like a freak, and the like. But it also means that we may have to leave behind our awesome child-care, and our friends and our church. So we will see where we go from here.

In other news, I am under the care of a GI doctor. Hopefully things will get resolved without the use of lasers, weapons, or chemotherapy. Hopefully it is just GERD or ulcers or something like that. We'll see...

I broke a window a while ago, kicking a soccer ball around with the boy. I grounded myself for a few days, but whined my way out.

Flippin' the bird

I'm cranky. No full-time library job offers, husband laid off two weeks ago, older son apparently losing the battle between his brain and his id over who actually runs the show, and unfulfilling, unmotivating part-time work.

But this totally NSFW video helps:

Apparently, dying my hair and wearing gray and black also helps. Maybe I should start smoking cloves again.

Just like college...

D is currently passed out in the Grandpa Chair, snoring. He has a bottle Gatorade in his armpit, and a glass bowl at the ready.

No, he wasn't partying. He is just really sick. He was tired and dragging all day yesterday, and last night, when I went to hug him goodnight, I was shocked by how hot he was. His temp last night was 101.8 -- this morning at 6:30am, it was 103.3. He has a horrible cough, and started throwing up anything and everything (including Gatorade) this morning.

The doctor says it is a virus, and he will have to work through it on his own. Poor man -- I think this means no camping trip this weekend for him.

At least he gets to watch as much Pokemon as he wants...

squee!

I love VH1 Classic. Maybe it's the listing of top 1-hit wonders of the 80's. Maybe it's the hair metal. Today, it is the fact that they are showing The Wedding Singer, which is one of those movies, that, when it comes on, I cannot turn it off. Other movies on this list:

• The Princess Bride
• Clueless
• Clue
• The Empire Strikes Back

I am such a sucker. Drew Barrymore and Steve Buscemi -- best combo evar!

Getting money

So, I am trying to think of how to get more money into our house. I am working a few extra hours this month as a substitute, which helps, but not a lot. Even if I get a full-time library position, it won't start until July, and we still need to pay for stuff. Here are some of the ways we are trying to save money:

* I don't buy things at Whole Foods anymore, even if that is the only place to get speciality gluten-free food. I just go without.
* I bring lunch to work, I don't buy coffee at coffee shops, I rarely buy books, I wear the same shoes until they wear out.
* I haven't bought new clothes in a while. And I won't for some time. There are actually two things I want to return, since they don't fit right.
* I haven't had anything done to my hair (cut or color) since last May.
* We don't do HD cable or Tivo.
* We ask parents to help, as they can.
* We don't go out on dates, we don't eat out, we don't go to movies.
* I am looking at doing some freelance editing work. If I can pass their test.

But it isn't enough. We are now thinking of killing cable entirely (sob), asking for scholarships for D's one school-sponsored extracurricular, and he's not doing summer camp through child care -- which means if I start working in July, I have no idea what to do with him. We can't go mobile-only, because of job application stuff, and we need two cars. And we can't cut internet. Kinda necessary for work stuff.

What are you doing to save money? Maybe you have some ideas for how we can cut our costs even more.

thoughts about the recession

I read an article today in the LA Times about the trickle-down effects of the recession, and it started me thinking about how this whole thing is affecting me personally.

It isn't just the fact that there are fewer jobs to be had, or the fact that my hours at my current job were reduced from 21 hours to 8.5 (this, in addition to the fact that I didn't get the full-time position I thought was all but mine, were a double-whammy to my psyche that I have yet to recover from).

It's things like feeling guilty for having food sensitivities that require special expensive food (and refusing to shop for those special things at Whole Foods in order to save money). It's having to decide whether your baby can continue going to childcare/preschool, because even though he is benefiting from the instruction and socialization, it costs money. It's trying to figure out if your son will still do well in school if you pull him out of educational therapy, and how soon is too soon to stop paying for sessions. It's making do with 5-year old clothing for work, despite how unflattering the styles are. It's twisting your ankle in shoes with worn-out heels, because replacement shoes cost too much. It's putting up with gray hairs and 10-month-old highlights and split ends because you can't afford to go to the salon. It's going on antidepressants because it's cheaper than therapy. It's having a Master's degree and applying for nonexistent retail positions.

It's doubting your worth. And this doubt cripples you, making it near impossible to even think about trying to find something, anything, that will bring in money. And you can't make decisions about what to do, and you're stuck fast in your own terror and doubt and despair. And you can't find a way out.

Let's just call it what it is -- a depression, of the economy, of the soul.

Looking for job leads

It is amazing how hard it is nowadays to look for a job. It isn't so much the fact that there aren't a lot of jobs out there (well, this is true, but still), but rather that you have to go to 28,000 different web sites to confirm that there aren't a lot of jobs out there. I think I will create a webpage for myself of all the sites to go to, if I can remember them all at once. Also, more of them need RSS feeds for searches, so I can add them to my Google aggregate reader.

I joined Twitter (PopCulLibrn, if you're interested), because of an article in the Los Angeles Times I read yesterday (utter kismet that I found that article -- I was supposed to cancel our subscription about a month ago). So, now I am following JobAngels and JobShouts, in hopes of getting more leads.

In the past, I have gotten lucky with jobs, because I knew enough people who knew of positions, or got me introduced to the right people. Here, it is harder. Maybe I am missing something obvious, but California librarians don't seem to do consortia as much, and I think that is hindering my efforts. I tried schmoozing at a local private college library, but couldn't get in -- they lock the doors, and only let in students, faculty, and staff. This makes things a little more difficult. I am used to the library mafia, and the connectedness of librarians. Here, I don't get that as much. Maybe it has to do with the region I am living in? Anyway...

I am putting this out into the universe -- if any of you (6) readers know of library or researcher jobs in the Southern California area that won't require me to commute 6 hours a day, please let me know. Thanks!

knish

I couldn't think of a good title or theme to this entry -- so I am using the word "knish." It is a fun word to say...

I had lunch with a faculty member today, an older gentleman who has retired, but is still teaching one class a semester. It was quite lovely -- he's a sweet man, a gentleman in the truest sense. I really enjoyed it. I am also bemused by the number of faculty on campus who are disappointed that I am not working there full-time. Unfortunately, these people don't control reality at work, so there you go.

I had a gluten-free pizza last Friday that was pretty good -- the pizza place called this afternoon to ask how we liked them, and they told me about a new gluten-free place opening this Saturday in my town. Score!

Still no full-time employment on the horizon. Depressing... Don't know how badly this is going to screw up our lives.

I want cats. Our landlord will only get them if he can either a) look at their previous home environments and gauge the amount of damage they do, or b) if we declaw them. Seeing as I refuse to declaw my kittehs, and the humans in this house do more damage to the carpets than a kitteh, would, we are at an impasse. Sigh.

D is probably ADHD. No surprise. We will talk with the doctor Monday about what this means for a boy who is getting tested for possible inclusion in the gifted program this Saturday.

I miss snow. Gimme!

makin' bacon

Last week the husband bought a bunch of bacon for dinner. He recently discovered that the elder boy likes bacon sandwiches, and he decided to try him out on BLTs. So he went to Costco. Great to get so much bacon, but even if you eat nothing but BLTs for two weeks, you really can't eat that much lettuce, unless you really like salads (and personally, I think salads don't have enough starch or bacon or protein to make them worth the effort of shredding 2 heads of lettuce).

Speaking of bacon, I was given a few more hours at work, because apparently the new librarian can't start until next month. So I am working her hours, which at least allows me to bring home some bacon. But they are long hours, with no breaks, with lots of students needing help. I get really hungry on the desk, but am not supposed to eat or drink on the desk. Makes things difficult.

I am looking for some more work. Lots of applications going out. Let's see what sticks.

I am now hungry for bacon.